So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
