I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
