you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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