You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
