Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
