he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
