my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
