do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
