I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
