Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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