My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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