Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
