I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
