dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
