turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
