and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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