My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
