What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
