all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Buhtt sex?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
