I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
