I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
