why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
