Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
