I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
