Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
