I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
