i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
