Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
