I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
