areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
