You're so nebulous sometimes
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
