pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
