Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
