You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
