I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
