Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
