Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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