Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
