Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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