Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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