He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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