Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
