i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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