he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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