someone get that fucking seahorse.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
