I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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