38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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