Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
