What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
