i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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