Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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