wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
